Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
