Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
