dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The Olympian is in my bed
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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