If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
