did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize