I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
