Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
