Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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