dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
