Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
