Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
