Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
