So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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