There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
