pop tarts are not kleenex
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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