I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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