Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
