sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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