If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
