About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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