Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
