Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
