Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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