hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
