we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
