I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
