Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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