Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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