I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
