I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize