he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
