Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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