How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
