apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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