Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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