Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize