Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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