I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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