i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
