So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I didn't notice because vodka
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
