i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
