I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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