I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
