I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
