we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
