During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
