sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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