I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
we should paint friendship bongs
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
