Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
