I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
