he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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