fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
