Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
