I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
