My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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