we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
