So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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