he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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