I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
