my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
sex in a hospital.. check
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
