My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
