BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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