a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
