TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The best revenge is premature balding
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
