the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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