She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
