Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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