i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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