this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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